Want to learn how to stop thinking about something? If so, then this article is right for you. As you will see, the key to silencing your unwanted thoughts is quite counterintuitive.
Before we dive into that, however, I’d like you to try this quick mental exercise: Close your eyes and don’t think of a white bear for 1 minute. Ready? Go.
Were you able to do it? Or did the image of a white bear pop into your head? My guess is that you weren’t able to do it. And I’m not just saying that; there’s some science to back up my assumption.
According to the Ironic Process Theory, the act of trying to suppress our thoughts does not direct our mind away from something, but it does, in fact, lead to an increase in the exact thought we’re trying to extinguish.
The Reason You Can’t Stop Thinking About Something
The first record of the “white bear problem” can be found in Winter Notes on Summer Impressions, an 1863 essay by Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky.1 It reads, “Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”
More than a century later, social psychologist Daniel Wegner held an experiment to study the white bear phenomenon.2 Wegner, now considered the father of suppression research, divided participants into two groups:
- Group A was asked to think about a white bear for the time provided.
- Group B was instructed to not think of a white bear in the first half of the experiment, and then consciously bring it to mind in the second half.
The instructions were straightforward: The first group was asked to bring forth a thought. The second group was asked to suppress a thought, at least for half of the experiment.
Wegner found that participants from Group B could visualize the image of the white bear better than Group A, who had been told to think of the polar bear from the start with no form of control. That is, test subjects from the thought suppression group (Group B) found the white bears manifested themselves in their minds.
You Might Also Like: 3 Ways Amazon Makes Impulse Shopping Insanely Easy
This phenomenon, which was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in the 1980s, was fittingly titled the Ironic Process Theory. It states that the act of trying to avoid a thought, ironically leads to an increase in the exact thought we’re trying to reduce.
If thought suppression makes certain thoughts more likely to surface, how can we stop thinking about something? Are we stuck with unwanted thoughts and have no option but to wait until they disappear?
3 Ways on How to Stop Thinking About Something
The Ironic Process Theory states that the act of fighting off a thought leads to the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve. Suppressing an image only makes it appear more often.
The key takeaway from Wegner’s study is that, if we want to stop engaging in negative self-talk, we must learn to not fight our thoughts, but to accept them. Though it is counterintuitive, we can significantly improve our well-being by simply acknowledging uncomfortable emotions.
If you ruminate, worry, or think too much, the first step is to focus on acceptance:
1. “Thank You for the Reminder”
When you feel overtaken by obsessive thoughts, relax your body, take a deep breath, smile, and say, “Thank you for the reminder.” Saying thank you out loud or silently in your head is the best way to express kindness to yourself.
Most of us already use the words “thank you” as gratitude in our daily interactions with people, so why not turn inward and express appreciation for our thoughts?
2. Watch the Cars Pass By
Read anything on mental health, and you’ll probably come across the recommendation to practice mindfulness. Personally, I am all for meditation. The following practice is a good way to reduce bad thoughts and create mental space.
Close your eyes for 5 minutes and imagine yourself sitting by a busy highway. The cars represent new thoughts, sensations, or emotions. Sit there and notice the cars without focusing on any of them specifically.
Every so often, you might notice loud and annoying cars pass by. This type of traffic represents stressful thoughts. How do you react? Are you clenching your jaw or fists? Is there tightness in your stomach, neck, or leg muscles? Observe your reaction without judgment and gently relax your body as you watch the traffic pass by.
3. Say the Thought Out Loud
Make yourself aware of your destructive thought patterns by saying negative thoughts out loud. For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I might lose my job” or “I’m thinking that everyone hates me.”
Saying something out loud is a great way to see your thoughts from a different perspective. It brings awareness to your process of thinking and might make you realize that your recurring thoughts are something that are often not true.
You Might Also Like: How to Use Netflix’s Cliffhanger Strategy to Motivate Yourself to Action
The Key on How to Stop Thinking About Something
The mind is a powerful thing. When you’re asked to not think of a white bear, the mind will, ironically, bring forth the image of a white bear.
Read Daniel Wegner’s study on thought suppression, and you see that the Ironic Process Theory can teach you a great deal about silencing your inner dialogue. Fight a thought and it’ll fight back; accept it and it’ll fade away.
The most important thing to achieving a quiet mind is acceptance. Though there are a lot of ways to stop thinking about something, one of the most effective ways to change your emotional state is to consider the constant barrage of thoughts to be a normal part of our human nature.
Regardless of the cause of the thoughts, make it a habit to say, “Thank you for the reminder” when upsetting thoughts creep into your mind. By living in the present moment and watching the cars pass by, you can reduce negative emotions and bring forth positive thoughts. And by saying the thought out loud, you look at your inner dialogue in a different way.
Emotional health is not achieved overnight. It takes consistent practice and conscious effort to take control of your thoughts. Take small steps every day and you will eventually get there.
References
- Dostoyevsky, Fyodor. Winter Notes on Summer Impressions. 1863, p. 49.
- Wegner, D M., et al. “Paradoxical effects of thought suppression.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 53, no. 1, 1987, pp. 1-13, doi:10.1037/0022-3514.53.1.5.